I got up, let in the plumber to look at our rusty sink (he had to make a special order so he didn't stay long), and then crawled right back into bed. And stayed there. Until I had already cried my eyes out because my body STILL hurts from chemo last Friday and I knew it was time to take matters into my own hands.
Yesterday I felt like I had ADD. I have a million different things started and I just can't finish anything. A sewing project that looks like a first-grader made it, piles of laundry, piles of stuff, even an unfinished box of Skittles. I just felt unfinished. My bones hurt, reminding me that my chemo, though finished for round 2, is not in fact finished. And that darn nausea resurfaced last night. Grrrrr.....
So I dragged my tired bones downstairs, had some lunch, did some laundry, and didn't even think about really doing anything else except to watch HGTV and Gilmore Girls and read my latest book, Listening is an Act of Love. It's a collection of Storycorps stories of just run-of-the-mill Americans. And I cried my eyes out again. Life is tough for a lot of people. Stories of how other people have made it work in light of tremendous odds sort of filled me. And finished me.
Finished me in the sense that I realized this one point: I need to take care of myself. I need to be gentle with me. I need to allow for the unfinishing and finishing and be patient. I need to relinquish the expectations I have and recognize the moment. Finishing requires a lifetime and more. And that recognition means taking things slowly, pressing through, finding completion in the small things, like a load of laundry or a meal staying down.
I loved waking up this morning feeling entirely different. I knew in my bones that it was going to be a better day. I let in the stove-fixer guy and didn't go back to bed. I made a list that I know is going to take me months to finish. And I've finished 2 things on there, working on more. And I'll take some breaks and maybe a nap.
And try again tomorrow.
4 comments:
Dear Jenny Reeder,
Remember what tree rings have to do with flying an airplane??
"It is good advice to slow down a little, steady the course, and focus on the essentials when experiencing adverse conditions."
I'm proud to see you applying these principles.
Love, President Uchtdorf
you can do it jenny reeder. even if it is eating a meal and taking a nap today. let go. :)
loves.
Yes, yes, yes - one day at time, (sometimes one moment), one thing at a time, one breath at a time. What a great quote about courage. Thanks for showing us all how to do it! Love you and miss you lots.
oh, i love so much about this sentiment. and the sweet surrender to yourself... it's okay, you know...and do you get that you are handling it all amazingly well? do you understand how courageous you are? do you know that it's blessing us to witness? do you know how much you are loved?
breathe.
and know that we are all here breathing with you.
("unfinished" totally spoke to me tonight. thanks, friend. xoxo)
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