Yesterday was one of those days. You know how you wake up and you know immediately it's just not going to be an A+ day? Or even a B or C day? Not really even passing?
I got up, let in the plumber to look at our rusty sink (he had to make a special order so he didn't stay long), and then crawled right back into bed. And stayed there. Until I had already cried my eyes out because my body STILL hurts from chemo last Friday and I knew it was time to take matters into my own hands.
Yesterday I felt like I had ADD. I have a million different things started and I just can't finish anything. A sewing project that looks like a first-grader made it, piles of laundry, piles of stuff, even an unfinished box of Skittles. I just felt unfinished. My bones hurt, reminding me that my chemo, though finished for round 2, is not in fact finished. And that darn nausea resurfaced last night. Grrrrr.....
So I dragged my tired bones downstairs, had some lunch, did some laundry, and didn't even think about really doing anything else except to watch HGTV and Gilmore Girls and read my latest book, Listening is an Act of Love. It's a collection of Storycorps stories of just run-of-the-mill Americans. And I cried my eyes out again. Life is tough for a lot of people. Stories of how other people have made it work in light of tremendous odds sort of filled me. And finished me.
Finished me in the sense that I realized this one point: I need to take care of myself. I need to be gentle with me. I need to allow for the unfinishing and finishing and be patient. I need to relinquish the expectations I have and recognize the moment. Finishing requires a lifetime and more. And that recognition means taking things slowly, pressing through, finding completion in the small things, like a load of laundry or a meal staying down.
I loved waking up this morning feeling entirely different. I knew in my bones that it was going to be a better day. I let in the stove-fixer guy and didn't go back to bed. I made a list that I know is going to take me months to finish. And I've finished 2 things on there, working on more. And I'll take some breaks and maybe a nap.
And try again tomorrow.