Yesterday was a much better day, thank you very much. My white blood cell count went up from 2.2 to 2.4 (normal is 6-10. coming: a post about how my life is measured in numbers), I had a lovely afternoon nap, I went to dinner for my roommate's birthday (a real restaurant! I wore real pants not sweats! the public!), and I did yoga. Oh yoga, I love you.
Last night as I knelt down to pray before going to bed (yes, I'm that kind of believer), I felt a prayer well up out of my core that I didn't know was there. I always thank God for the very specific blessings of the day, and after my gratitude came this inner voice, the real Jenny Reeder, that I forgot existed. And this is what she said:
I have a mission to perform in life. I must fulfill it. I have things to do. I must get through this. I must push past the pain and discomfort of this temporary thing in my life. I cannot let cancer beat me, nor can I be a victim to it or to its many fears. I must rise up and fight it.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, was a turning point for me. My life is so much more than complaining about tingling feet (and oh boy, do they tingle and are cold!), or being scared of the first of many spinal taps and many more bone marrow biopsies. I am greater and bigger and much more long-lasting than this. And I've GOT to get better so I can get to work.