Thursday, May 19, 2011

Another Year... another future...

I'll be honest. Today is my birthday and I haven't really looked forward to it. For a lot of reasons.

Namely that I'm in the middle of an intense round of chemo. Sitting in a recliner on Mondays for three hours being pumped full of red poison tends to make me feel sorry for myself. That and puffy steroid cheeks. And heartburn. And occasional digestive distress. And worrying about blood levels. And upcoming shots that will kick my stomach lining. And bones.

Not cool.

But.

I turned a corner. I made an important realization:

I have a birthday to celebrate. (yes, I feel like I've aged 20 years in the last year!)

I have a future. (with only 6 1/2 weeks of intense chemo left!)

There is hope. (and I have SO much I want to do!)

This morning I woke up and went on a walk, drinking in the misty humid spring day with all the green and flowers around my neighborhood: peonies! a few lingering azaeleas! columbine! begonias! impatience! I've been working on my own little garden, too. Yesterday I finally planted my bean hyacinth seeds--I can't wait for them to overtake my back fence, winding their tendrils through the ivy and bursting purple and proud.

Then I had a reflexology massage. New-age-y, right? Well, I am in mid-life! It was delightful. And perfect. And it soothed my tingling neuropathy feet and reminded me that I am alive! I need to care for this crazy body and remind it good it has been to me.

Then I went shopping! I'm in a baking mood, so first some mini-loaf pans. Then some 3/4-length shirts--no short sleeves for me this summer with my PICC line. Great colors! Comfy and fun!

Now I think I'll go take me a nap. Rest up. I've got a big year ahead. Just you wait.


12 comments:

The homestead said...

Happy birthday Jenny! You are an inspiration!

Meggen said...

Yes, you do have another year ahead and I can't wait to see what beauty will unfold in your life, my friend! Happy birthday, again! Love you!

Hope said...

You give me hope! You are amazing. And great garden!

The Wyler Family said...

happy birthday! stop avoiding my phone calls. hee hee. i love you. hope to talk to you again someday. :)

Sheila said...

Jenny, you really look great! And there is nothing wrong with new agey stuff if it feels good, right?

Sarita said...

Happy birthday Jenny! Sending huge get well thoughts your way. :)

M said...

Good for you, treating yourself on your birthday! You have many reasons to hope going into this next year of life. Look how much you've overcome in the last nine months alone. You're going to rock the world!!!

Bonnie said...

Happy Birthday:)

Lesli said...

You are working your way through it, Beautiful Jenny. Birthdays are really good things and I am glad you got to do some favorite things and enjoy some simple joys, as well. You are wonderful and I love you!

kimi + joe said...

Happy Birthday, Lady! Glad you enjoyed a special spring walk for the occasion.

Laurel said...

and OH WHAT A FUTURE!!
xoxo

Andrew & Vanessa and kids said...

Jenny, you are a SPECIAL woman, and I feel so blessed to know you.
Thank you for showing us the REAL side of your sickness, while at the same time showing us how you can KICK it to the curb.
I love the saying "Don't get bitter, get better."
That is exactly what you're doing! Way to go!