I'll be honest. Today is my birthday and I haven't really looked forward to it. For a lot of reasons.
Namely that I'm in the middle of an intense round of chemo. Sitting in a recliner on Mondays for three hours being pumped full of red poison tends to make me feel sorry for myself. That and puffy steroid cheeks. And heartburn. And occasional digestive distress. And worrying about blood levels. And upcoming shots that will kick my stomach lining. And bones.
I turned a corner. I made an important realization:
I have a birthday to celebrate. (yes, I feel like I've aged 20 years in the last year!)
I have a future. (with only 6 1/2 weeks of intense chemo left!)
There is hope. (and I have SO much I want to do!)
This morning I woke up and went on a walk, drinking in the misty humid spring day with all the green and flowers around my neighborhood: peonies! a few lingering azaeleas! columbine! begonias! impatience! I've been working on my own little garden, too. Yesterday I finally planted my bean hyacinth seeds--I can't wait for them to overtake my back fence, winding their tendrils through the ivy and bursting purple and proud.
Then I had a reflexology massage. New-age-y, right? Well, I am in mid-life! It was delightful. And perfect. And it soothed my tingling neuropathy feet and reminded me that I am alive! I need to care for this crazy body and remind it good it has been to me.
Then I went shopping! I'm in a baking mood, so first some mini-loaf pans. Then some 3/4-length shirts--no short sleeves for me this summer with my PICC line. Great colors! Comfy and fun!
Now I think I'll go take me a nap. Rest up. I've got a big year ahead. Just you wait.